Adorable Psycho's Over the Limit
by Wepdiggy
Summary: Just what happens to Adorable Psycho Sarah when she exceeds her kill limit? What does she do with herself when Chuck won't touch her? Takes place between chapters 2 and 3 of Adorable Psycho vs. The Nine Months by MXPW.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: Once again, and as always, I don't own Chuck. Just so you know. _

_A/N: So this is a little idea that's been kicking around in my head for some time. What exactly happens when Sarah goes over her limit? What does she do with herself when Chuck isn't plowing her nightly? How does she keep busy? That's what this fic is going to explore. This first chapter is just the prologue to kind of set the stage for what's to come. This takes place between chapters 2 and 3 of **MXPW'**s Adorable Psycho vs. The Nine Months. He also helped me out with this one, as he always does, because he's just a super awesome guy. Also, I have to go out of town for the weekend for (hopefully) my last National Guard drill weekend, so I won't be writing during that time. When I get back, I hope the updates come to me quickly, as I hate to keep you guys hanging, haha. Alright, I'll shut up now, and I hope you enjoy the prologue, and please review. Thanks!

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**Adorable Psycho's Over the Limit Chapter 1: Prologue**

She'd tried to lie once to get out of it. Not that she was proud of keeping secrets from her man, but at the time, it had seemed like a great idea. And it was easy! It wasn't like it was a lie that would hurt Chuck. He'd be none the wiser and she could go on to enjoy another week of sexually satisfied bliss.

But when she tried it, it blew up in her face. She'd only gone over her limit by one that week, and honestly, one of them had been a mistake! She really didn't mean to kill the waitress that spilled wine in her lap. It had been completely reactionary. And sometimes, not often, but sometimes, Chuck let her off with things like that.

But of course, she tried to lie her way out of it, and it worked for about four days before the truth came out. And when Chuck found out that she'd been dishonest with him, he'd been so angry. She'd never seen him like that before. He yelled at her for betraying his trust in her, and he told her how much she'd hurt him. Then, he wouldn't even talk with her for the maximum punishment of nine days. It was the worst nine days of Sarah's life.

Usually, Chuck would let her off after five days, and even then, he'd still hang out with her. He'd still sleep next to her. So even though she'd be very sexually frustrated during her "cooling off periods" (as Chuck called them), she'd still have him close to her. She'd still know that he loved her.

But when she tried to cover up her discretions, he'd left her all alone, and honestly, she'd feared that he'd finally wised up and left her for good. Every night during those nine days, she'd cried herself to sleep, and every day, she'd hoped that he would come back and say that everything was going to be all right.

When he finally came back home, he'd explained to her how much it hurt that she couldn't be upfront with him, and that she thought that he was so stupid that he'd never find out. He'd said that if their relationship was going to work, that she had to be honest with him, and that he'd always be honest with her.

That was a talk that Sarah took to heart. The last thing she could afford was to lose Chuck. Not now. Not ever. So after that, no matter how much she knew she'd miss his touch while on punishment, she always told him when she went over her limit.

That's why she was so pissed off with herself now. She'd wasted her kills for the week. The first two had come on Saturday, when some Jehovah's Witnesses had come knocking at 7 AM. Not that the early visit wouldn't have been enough to piss her off to start with, but this time, it just so happened that they'd interrupted Chuck giving her a very, very pleasant wake-up call of his own. With his tongue.

So when she had to climb out of bed without being fully satisfied, only to find that her early morning callers didn't have a national security emergency, she'd snapped. Their necks. Both of them.

Even then, she still had one kill to go over the next six days, which should have been enough. But no, then Big Mike had to go and hire not one, but _TWO_ new sales girls. Two new hot, brunette sales girls. Two fresh out of college, struggling to find money, but still insanely hot brunette sales girls. And they were both just Chuck's type: brunette, and hot, and kind of skanky, but maybe that was their hair talking.

Sarah knew that although she wasn't really showing yet, that her pregnancy had made her body softer. And while Chuck seemed to appreciate the added cargo she was carrying in her bra, she just wasn't up to her own personal fitness standards anymore. And then two hard bodied little brown haired sluts had to come into the picture.

She couldn't kill them both. Well, she could. Quite easily, in fact. But she couldn't do it if she wanted her sex life to remain intact for the next five days. Of course, she could always just kill one of them, and then use that to scare the other away. But that was too risky. If one of them saw her kill, or knew that she'd killed, she might have to kill the other one to cover it up.

No, her best course of action seemed to be trying to scare them away. So that's what she planned to do. She was still scary. She could still make them run for the hills.

Only her plan didn't go to form. She confronted the two new girls (Skanky and Skankella as she'd dubbed them in her head) as they were enjoying their lunch break at Sbarro.

"So you're the two new green shirts?" Sarah asked, unable to hide the venom from her question.

"Um, yeah, and I guess you're the yogurt girl," one of them observed.

"I am," Sarah answered. "But I'm not here for introductions. I'm here to issue a warning." They both looked at her strangely. "Stay away from Chuck," she said dangerously.

"Chuck?" one of them asked. "Oh, you mean the really cute Nerd Herder?"

"That's exactly who I'm talking about!" Sarah answered harshly. "He's _my_ man, and you need to – need to make sure you stay away from him."

The women seemed to contemplate Sarah's demand for a moment. Then one of them finally spoke. "You know, I hadn't even considered making a move on Chuck, but now that you bring it up…"

"Don't!" Sarah said sternly.

"Oh, and sweetie," the girl continued, "if you want keep your guy, you might want to switch to the low-fat fro-yo. If your ass wasn't so flabby, maybe you wouldn't have to worry about Chuck stepping out on you."

Both women broke into hysterics at the snide little comment, causing Sarah's face to turn red with embarrassment and rage. It was generally a good idea to avoid pissing Sarah off. When she was pregnant, that was even more the case. And so it was that with their little joke, and with their laughing at her, both women had crossed that invisible line.

It wasn't until Sarah had finished depositing both bodies into her personal crematorium in Castle (an engagement gift from Casey), that the gravity of the situation really took root. She'd once again let her anger get the best of her. She'd once again killed without thought. She'd once again gone over the limit.

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**_Next time: _**_Sarah's gone over her limit. How will she spend her time during her forced celibacy? Day 1.

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_A/N: Just a quick note. Starting next chapter, when we explore Sarah's days, it will switch to a first person narrative, kind of like Sarah's diary during her time of not getting plowed. I hope it will turn out as well as I've envisioned. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read, and I look forward to your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	2. Day 1

_A/N: So, as I said before, this chapter will shift things into a first person narrative. Sarah will be describing her days without sex, and hopefully providing you a little comedy along the way. I really want to hear you guys' opinions on how this style works for Adorable Psycho Sarah. It's not something I do very much, so any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and again, I look forward to your reviews. Thanks!

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**Adorable Psycho's Over the Limit chapter 2: Day 1**

_**May 1**__**st**_

Once again, I was honest with Chuck about breaking our contract. When he walked into Castle, I think he already knew what happened. Well, it would be hard for him _not_ to know. The crematorium Casey bought me, while very convenient, leaves a strange odor in the air for hours after use.

"So you're up to three on the week now?" he asked me casually.

Reluctantly, I explained to him that not only had I bagged number three, but I'd gone on to get my fourth. He sighed in response, and I could tell that he was a little disappointed in me, which hurts maybe as much as him depriving me of sex. Okay, not quite _that_ much, but still, it hurts.

And honestly, shouldn't I get a pass on the disappointment right now? I mean, I _am_ carrying the man's pup in my womb! Okay, that thought made me a little happier. And thinking of how it happened made me a little hornier, which probably isn't a good thing, as I'm responsible for my own orgasms over the next five days.

Anyway, back to the story. So after he sighed, and looked at me with those damn "this is going to hurt me worse than it hurts you" eyes (which is a bullshit phrase, especially in this case, when I think Chuck is immune to sexual frustration), he wrapped a supportive arm around me, and kissed me on the top of the head. "Thank you for telling me," he said with a sad smile on his face.

I know I was wearing a similar expression when I looked back to him. And dammit, but his close proximity, and that small kiss made me want it (and by "it", I mean Chuck stuffing me like a Thanksgiving turkey) even more. So I told him to give me some space, which he immediately did. And just as immediately, I felt the loss of his closeness. I tried to apologize, but it was half-hearted, and I think Chuck could tell. But I'm pregnant, goddammit. I reserve the right to have unexplained mood swings, and Chuck, being the one that knocked me up should understand!

Anyway, yeah, so he didn't act _too_ hurt when he left, but I could tell a little sand had gotten caught in his vag. I'll try not to worry about it too much, though. After all, he'll have plenty of time to get the "hurt stick" out of his ass over the next five days, so that when it's over, he can go back to properly servicing me.

And that's what has brought me here: alone in our living room, vegging out on some Dreamland ribs I ordered online (And they're full of shit saying that the one slab package feeds 2. I count as two right now, and I can already tell you that I won't be full when it's done), watching a marathon of seasons 1 and 2 of _Sam_ on Blu Ray (Season 2 was a gift from Chuck, which I really appreciated, and I let him know how much I appreciated it. And by that, I mean I gave him some really mind blowing sex). Well, it's not a true marathon. I'm skipping the episodes that piss me off. I don't need them right now. But I really do love the show, and as I watch the scene where Sam and Claire finally almost hook up, I come to regret killing the actress that plays Claire just a little.

Okay, I don't _really_ regret killing her, but I'm sad that technically, Claire is dead. It's weird how I can disconnect the two in my head. I wonder if people can do that with some of my cover identities. Like, maybe there was some guy I had to bang for the job (and God am I glad I don't have to do that anymore), and when he found out the truth -- you know, the brief moment between finding out, and him biting it at my hand – if maybe some of them were still in love with my cover and just hated the real me.

I also wonder if Chuck perhaps felt like that in the early days of our relationship. And yes, I even consider the time we were just a cover as part of our relationship. But it's altogether possible that when he found out what I really was, that he hated my guts. God, this line of thought is not helping my mood. I need to focus on the show. The show makes me happy. Most of the time it makes me happy, anyway. You know, when Sam isn't acting like a complete dumbass and ignoring Claire's obvious signs that she's madly in love with him.

But the season 2 finale is winding down, and now, I know I have to find something else to entertain me. And honestly, masturbation has lost its fun. Wait…wasn't that a song lyric? Yeah, I'm going to Google it.

Huh, turns out is _was_ a song lyric. From Green day. A song called "Longview". Chuck would be proud of me, knowing music trivia and stuff, I'm sure. If he was here right now, and I wasn't on punishment, he'd probably sex me up good as a reward for knowing something like that.

Dammit, I need to stop thinking about sex. It's just getting me all hot and bothered, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. And worse yet, I'm preggers, so I can't even drink to alleviate my need for a good plowing with alcohol. Wow, that sentence looks weird. Okay, just to clarify, getting drunk helps me forget that Chuck isn't boinking me. Well, it doesn't totally make me forget. I still remember, but I get distracted more, so I don't think about it as much. Unless he's with me, then it's all I think about. Strange how that works, huh?

And the doc said I could still have a glass of wine and it wouldn't hurt the baby, but I'm not willing to take that risk. Hah! Look at me being a responsible mother and stuff! And anyway, a glass of wine would hardly help me. I need a lot more than that, and wine doesn't really go with these delicious ribs. I kind of need a beer. Or twelve.

But since I can't have sex (my favorite pastime), and I can't get drunk (calling this a pastime might make me an alcoholic, so I'll refrain from using that word here), I'll have to go to my new fascination for a distraction.

So I log into Fanfiction Dot Net, and I begin to peruse the latest updates in the _Sam_ category. There hasn't really been anything substantial updated today, which is disappointing. I was hoping that fantastic fic in which Claire is a double agent that Sam has to turn to the side of the good guys was going to be updated. It's been awhile since I've gotten a new chapter of that.

And yes, I'm aware that my hobby makes me kind of a nerd. Okay, a humungous freaking nerd, but I don't care. I like it, and it gives me something to do. Plus, I can write Claire the way she was _supposed_ to be written. The damn show's writers never give her enough lines, or enough camera time, and they never let her get laid. I mean, clearly she is the biggest draw of the show. Although, Sam is really cute, too. He kind of reminds me of my own Chuck. Sweet, nerdy, and judging by the length of his fingers, very well hung. That Claire is a lucky girl.

Shit! Chuck is coming in, so I have to put my computer away. There's no way I'm letting him find out about my new obsession. He'd never let me hear the end of it, and I really don't need any added frustration right now.

So this is me, signing out.

/End Day 1

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**Next time: **Sarah's mood will continue to deteriorate. Who will draw her ire? And will Chuck find out about Sarah's new hobby?

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_A/N: So tell me what you think. Does this first person style work, for you? And did anyone catch the reference with the dating? Anyway, that's all for now, and I look forward to your feedback. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	3. Day 2

_A/N: Okay, I didn't mention this last time, but I feel like I should now. So, I don't know how much influence it had, but I recently started reading a fic, __**The Secret Diary of Cameron Baum**__ by __**Pjazz**__, a Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles fic on the suggestion of __**MXPW**__, and it was only after reading that, that I started this fic. Again, don't know how much I was influenced, but I thought it should be mentioned, if for nothing else, than to tell you that if you like T:tSCC, then you should definitely give that a read. Also, my writing has been greatly slowed by the awesomeness of __**Mass Effect 2**__, and Ms. Miranda Lawson. Sorry for the added wait, but you should blame Bioware for their awesome game, haha. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I look forward to your reviews. Thanks!

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**Adorable Psycho's Over the Limit chapter 3: Day 2**

_**May 2nd**_

It's been 45 hours, 23 minutes since I've had sexual intercourse. I'm sorry, 24 minutes. I think I'm starting to show the effects of my forced celibacy, as it's 4 PM and I've yet to take a shower today, my hair is a mess, I'm still wearing pajamas, and dammit, my hands are stained orange by Doritos.

Chuck once convinced me to try cheeseballs, but they're not really my thing. I'm a Doritos girl, through and through. Doritos, and chocolate ice cream, and cream soda. Some would call it comfort food, and I suppose that's the case to a degree. Really, it's more like sulking food. Maybe it _would_ offer me some comfort if I could add alcohol to that list, but no-ooo, the possibility of stupid fetal alcohol syndrome won't let me do that.

Our couch is covered in crumbs, which I don't intend to clean up. Chuck can take care of that when he gets home. It's not like he has anything else to do like, oh, I don't know, have sex with me.

And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "Sarah, why don't you doll yourself up and try to seduce Chuck." Well let me tell you, I've tried in the past. The first five or sex…I mean six times I was given a "cooling off period" I tried my best to get Chuck to crack. I tried everything I could think of, every page of the seduction playbook, including but not limited to slutty outfits, no outfits (boy was he surprised to see my naked body as the "emergency repair" waiting for him in the cage!), cooking his favorite meal (thank you Ellie), playing up his ego, embarrassment, I've tried it all, and not one thing worked.

We had a big fight about it last night. I told him that it wasn't good to keep a pregnant woman from being able to satisfy her desires. That all the built up horniness was bad for the baby. I told him that he needed to make love (his word…I hate using it, but I _was_ trying to get laid, so I'll call it whatever he wants) to me, not for my personal satisfaction, but for the baby.

He didn't buy it. He laughed at me, in fact, and told me I was cute when I was desperate to manipulate him.

That pissed me off, so I yelled at him. I told him that he was hurting me on purpose because he hated me.

He hugged me and told me he loved me. This did not help things. I mean, yeah, I love Chuck, and while him telling me that he loves me usually makes me feel better, and makes me feel all warm inside, it didn't work this time. This time, it just frustrated me more. I mean, how can I honestly be mad at a man that loves me despite all my problems?

Well, I did it like this: I yelled at him some more, and accused him of not loving the _real_ me. I said he was trying to change me to fit what he thought the perfect girlfriend should be.

Then he got angry. He told me that he was only trying to help me be the person that I want to be, and the person that he _knows_ I can be.

I told him that he's not even a person, that he's a robot that doesn't need sex. I added that I _am_ a person, and I need a good fucking from my robot lover every day, or else I start to deteriorate.

Chuck got mad at me again, and reminded me that I was supposed to stop using "that kind of language" as practice for when the baby comes.

I apologized, but my heart wasn't really in it. I should be able to use whatever language I want while I carry his seed. I also apologized for calling him a robot. He thanked me, and said that not being with me in "that way" hurt him just as much as it hurts me (which is obviously bullshit, as no one so adverse to pain would put themselves through what I'm going through).

I told him that it was bullshit (which drew another evil eye from him, but he kept quiet about it this time). I then said that while he's not a robot, he might very well be some kind of strange camel that stores sex in his hump.

I don't honestly know where that came from, but it sounded right in the moment. And it kind of got a laugh out of Chuck. Did I actually make a joke? I wasn't joking, but when I can make Chuck laugh, it kind of makes me feel good about myself. Like I've grown a sense of humor or something, even if it's unintentional.

He asked me where his "hump" was located. I answered in my sexiest voice that I don't know, but I'd be willing to search his body for it.

He laughed again, and then went to take a shower. I like to think that it was a cold shower, as he needed relief from how horned up I'd made him, but I have trouble believing that. If he really needed it ("it" being dirty, hard, beautiful sex), he could have it. All he has to do is ignore our contract for one night.

Anyway, when he walked away, I took some pleasure in wiping my hands (still covered in delicious barbeque sauce from my Dreamland ribs) on the lounge pants I was wearing, which happen to be Chuck's. If he is going to make me wait, I have no problem destroying his wardrobe, little by little.

Since that time, those same pants have been further stained by spilt ice cream and Doritos. God how I love those Doritos. That's one thing I will say for Chuck. He might deny me a good plowing when he knows I need it, but the man keeps me stocked up on junk food while I'm sulking.

Anyway, Chuck keeping me in a perpetual state of unfulfilled sexual need is not the only thing pissing me off right now.

So, I admitted yesterday that I have a bit of a fascination with the world of fan fiction. Well, I published a story last night, and not to be conceited or anything, but I think it's some of my best work. Basically, Claire has a training session with Sam, and in the end, she jumps his bones. It's funny, but the story part of it was only like 500 words. Then the sex started, and the fic ended up being around 7800 words. I'm still kind of new to this world, but I think that's what they call "PWP".

But that's not what's pissing me off. What's pissing me off is, I posted the story, and I wasn't getting any reviews. Or so I thought. At first, I was just a little depressed that no one seemed to like my work. Then I happened to check the archive, and it turns out, I had _twelve_ reviews already! The stupid website just didn't think to notify me!

I went onto the main _Sam _forum on the site (TWoP Kicked Us Out, But We Still Love Sam) to ask if anyone else was having the same problem, and I found out that the alerts being down is actually something that happens pretty regularly.

Why the hell do they even _have_ alerts if the damn things don't work?! I swear, if I wasn't already over my limit for the current week, thus risking further punishment, I'd use CIA resources to track down the douches that run the site and strangle them in their sleep. I really would.

Well, I can add that to my "future projects" list.

So, that's all I have for now. I really need to get back to writing. And bugging another author to update his story about Sam being kidnapped by one of Claires's friends, then falling for said friend, only to choose Claire in the end. The guy who writes that one does the best Claire. She's such a badass! She even smokes. Maybe once I squeeze out the little bugger in my tummy, I'll start smoking. It sounds so cool the way the guy does it. Anyway, yeah, so I'm out for the day. Laters!

/End Day 2 (Now 47 hours and counting since I've had sexual intercourse)

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**Next Time: **Sarah's greatest fear comes to pass. Okay, not her _greatest_ fear, but she's damn scared of it happening, haha.

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_A/N: So, what'cha think? Still with me? Leave me a review and let me know! You guys are awesome. Peace._


	4. Day 3

_A/N: First of all, for fans of __**Sarah vs. the Switch**__, I'm really sorry that I missed updating that today. Getting back into the work force has really drained both my time, and energy. I'm trying to get my schedule back to the point that I can manage writing, but it's just taking some adjustment. Thank you for understanding. Now, I wrote this chapter, and I read back over it, and it just felt like it was missing something. Hopefully you don't feel the same way, but it makes me extra interested to hear you opinion on this chapter, so I hope you enjoy it, and please review and let me know what you think. Thanks!

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**Adorable Psycho's Over the Limit chapter 4: Day 3**

_**May 3rd**_

It's day three of my forced celibacy, and things are getting bleak. I still haven't showered, or changed clothes. Casey came over earlier to borrow a bottle of wine (which is kind of a bullshit turn of phrase, as there is basically no chance the bottle will be returned intact, but since I can't drink it, and I don't really care what Chuck wants right now, I let him have it).

When he walked in the door, he told me I smelled. Actually, he told me he could smell me all the way over in his apartment. I think he was just exaggerating, but I must admit, I _do_ kind of reek. Not that I care. Why smell pretty if it's going to go to waste? So I only grunted in reply.

He also gave me shit about not going into the yogurt shop the past few days. Once again, I don't really care. It's just a stupid cover job, anyway, and in my current condition, I have a hard time imagining I'd be any good at customer service right now.

Not that I'm ever that good at customer service. Sure, I bring in the horny teenage boys still, for now, although I imagine that will be ending once I really start to show. It's just that I never really got a grasp on the whole "the customer's always right" thing. To me, the customer is sometimes right, but only when he/she agrees with me.

Back in the day, Scooter would yell at me at least 10 times a day about being "nice" to the customers. Well, where is he now? Probably one of the many unemployed persons in the United States, while I still have a job. My point? Customer service gets you nowhere in life. You have to be willing to take what you want, by any means necessary.

That's what I started doing, and look where it got me: knocked up by, and engaged to the man I love. It's a perfect system, when you think about it. I saw what I wanted – Chuck, in this case – and I took matter into my own hands and started to kill off the competition.

That allowed me to combine two of my favorite things: having sex with Chuck, and killing unworthy skanks. Now, to be fair, I haven't always known that I'd enjoy sex with Chuck as much as I do. Killing skanks has long been a hobby of mine, however. I'm sure a shrink would tell me that it's related to my childhood issues, specifically my never realized desires to kill every cheerleader at my high school. In fact, I actually _did_ have a shrink tell me that during a recent psyche evaluation. Rest in peace, Dr. Know-it-all.

Anyway, back to the current day. So, Casey came over and insulted me. It almost made me want to go take a shower. Almost. But I didn't. If Chuck is going to make me feel like I feel now, then he'll have to put up with a dirty, smelly fiancée in his bed. All he has to do is say the word and I'll go clean up so that he can plow me. But until then, this is my form of protest.

Hold on, my pizza just arrived, be right back.

Shit! Okay, while I was devouring my pie (heh, wish Chuck was devouring my pie…you know, if you use the word "pie" as a euphemism for vagina), Chuck came home. He wasn't supposed to be home for three more hours, but for some reason, they let him out early.

Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem. Hell, most days, I'd be ecstatic that my man was home at a decent hour (you know, for sex and stuff), but it was just bad timing today.

When he came home, my laptop had been left open. And not only was my laptop open, but I'd left Fanfiction Dot Net up on the screen. Dammit, I _knew_ I should have used "Storymarks" and closed the browser, but no-ooo. I had to go and be lazy. Stupid pregnancy, making me all sloppy with hiding things.

Anyway, I wasn't paying attention at first, because the damn pizza was so good, but then Chuck pulled me out of my food induced trance when he started laughing. I couldn't for the life of me think what would make him laugh so hard. Had I said something funny by accident again?

But nope, he was looking at my computer and laughing. And that's when it hit me: I'd left the browser open. My horrible secret was out. Chuck knew what I've been up to.

I rushed over to the table and slammed the Macbook closed as quickly as I could. Hopefully he hadn't seen _too_ much, and I could still avoid him realizing the depth of my new addiction. I had no such luck.

He looked at me with a big, goofy grin on his face, and laughed again. "Sarah, have you been writing fan fiction?" he asked me. God, as much as I love him, he can be a smug bastard at times.

I tried to lie, and I told him no, but he wasn't buying it. He told me that he knew what I'd been doing with my time, now. I lied again and told him I hadn't been spending _that_ much time with it. Again, he had unfortunately already seen evidence to the contrary.

He pointed out that I have 47 stories archived. This made me blush. I reiterated that 47 was a very high number, especially considering I've only had an account for six months.

Of course, I told him that had he set my kill limit a little higher than 3, I might have not been punished quite as many times, and I wouldn't have had the time to write so many damn fics. He shrugged off my suggestion and said that had he put the limit at 5, then I still would have gone over plenty of times, I would have just been slightly less discriminating of my kills.

I had to concede that point, mentally at least. I didn't let him know that he was right. What fun is that in an argument?

But he still wouldn't let my new source of entertainment go. He kept on, and on about it. "Oh, I can't believe you're reading and writing fan fiction, Sarah", "Never saw you as the fan fiction type, Sarah", "You know, fan fiction is really nerdy, Sarah." He just wouldn't let up!

So finally I broke down. I screamed at him that, yes, I _am_ a big ol' nerd, and he'd discovered my terrible secret. I almost started to cry when I told him that now that he knew the truth, he'd probably want to leave me. Which, I knew it was a little melodramatic, but give me a break, I was trying to get him off my back.

But he just looked at me with those big brown eyes of his, and he said, "I'd never leave you, Sarah. In fact, I think your nerdiness is kind of…sexy."

I couldn't believe it! I'd finally found a new way to turn him on? Perfect! So I eagerly asked him if my writing fan fiction and the nerdy qualities that came with it meant that he was ready to end the punishment early.

He laughed again, which kind of pissed me off. I wasn't making a joke. But he kept laughing, and shook his head. He said that he wasn't ready to end the "cooling off period" (he still refuses to acknowledge that it's punishment, even though clearly it is) just yet. Then he added as he walked away that something in the apartment smelled funny. Hah! So not taking a shower now. Chuck can put up with my smell until he gives me what I want.

I glared at his retreating form as he walked down the hall, hoping my anger and frustration would make him change his mind. It didn't. So with a huff, I sat back down at the table to work on my latest fic some more. It's really good, I think. Basically, Sam gets taken into protective custody, but refuses to help the government anymore unless Claire is allowed in to see him. So Claire moves into Sam's cell with him, and they finally get to have a life together. It's a very ambitious project, and it will take a lot of time to write it as it should be. I really hope I never have the time to finish it, because I'm too busy having sex, but who knows?

Anyway, that's all for now. God, if I don't have sex soon, I might explode. Later.

/End Day 3

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**Next time: **Sarah's state continues to deteriorate. Will she even be able to form complete sentences on day 4? Will she finally take a shower? Read and find out!

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_A/N: See, I think this chapter was just…well, missing something. Thoughts? You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	5. Day 4

_A/N: Okay, I'm going to head this off at the pass. There is fluff ahead! In this chapter! I know, you weren't expecting it, but here it is. After 3.07, Chuck vs. The Mask, I couldn't help myself. I really needed to write something uplifting, and this is kind of the route I'd already chosen for this story, so here it is. I hope you enjoy the fluff, and the rest of the chapter, and I look forward to your feedback!

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**Adorable Psycho's Over the Limit chapter 5: Day 4**

_**May 4th**_

I have trouble sleeping on nights that Chuck hasn't taken care of my womanly needs. Some nights, I don't go to sleep at all if I haven't been sexed up right proper. So needless to say, when I'm on punishment, fatigue tends to set in kind of harshly.

The first couple of nights of this "cooling off period", I stayed awake the entire night, staring at Chuck's sleeping form in hopes that he'd wake up and repeal his "no sex" order. Of course I knew even then that my wishes were fruitless, but it helped to pass the time.

On the third night, although I still didn't feel complete without having had Chuck inside of me, the drowsiness became too much to bear, and I finally got some sleep, fitful though it may have been.

But then, this morning, I awoke to the greatest feeling in the world. I was warm all over, and my skin was soaked with water. I didn't know what the hell was going on at the time, but my mind immediately jumped to the best possible conclusion: I'd finally broken Chuck, and he was plowing me the way he's supposed to, causing the warm sensation and the sweat.

Alas, it was not to be. When I cracked my eyes open, Chuck was nowhere in sight, and I wasn't even in our bed anymore.

I was in the bathroom, in the tub. That explained the warmness and the wetness. I looked around the room to try to find clues as to how I'd ended up there, but there was nothing to be seen, causing me to sigh with frustration.

Then the door opened, and Chuck's head popped through. He expressed some surprise at finding me awake, and then explained that he drew me a bath, because I looked like I needed some relaxation. Personally, I think he was just tired of me smelling up the apartment. That sonofabitch tricked me into falling asleep and then washed me? Damn him for taking away my form of protest!

Anyway, so I told him that as nice as the bath was (and it _was_ very nice, and it was very sweet of him to do that for me, regardless of whether or not I actually wanted a bath, with bubble bath and bath salts and all), that there was a much better way to relax me, if that was his goal.

He laughed at me. Seriously, he really needs to stop laughing when I'm not making a joke. I'll tell him when it's a joke, dammit! But, yeah, so he laughed, and then he said that he was sure that he knew what I was talking about, and he didn't need to hear any of the horrendously unaffectionate terms I had for making love.

By the way, what the hell is wrong with calling it boinking, banging, doing it, screwing, mating, humping, pounding, stuffing, fucking, or my personal favorite, plowing? It's still the same thing, right? We don't need to cover it up with pretty names. Whatever you call it, it's still Chuck's penis, and my vagina. Or sometimes, when I'm lucky and Chuck is feeling a little dirty, certain other orifices of mine.

So, back to the story. Thinking quickly, I splashed some of the water out of the tub, soaking Chuck's shirt. I then told him that since he was already wet now, he might as well join me in the tub. I told him that there was plenty of room, especially if I just sat on his lap.

He smiled, and walked out of the bathroom. I really need to work on my sexiness. What the hell is wrong with me, that my boyfriend can so easily resist my wiles? Once upon a time, I was the CIA's go-to-girl when it came to seductions. Now, the man that professes to love me can even tell me "no".

Know what? When I get this kid out of my womb, I'm going to work extra hard to get back in perfect shape. I'm going to become irresistible again, and then, Chuck will have no choice but to put it to me every night, regardless of how many people I've killed. It's going to be perfect! It will be the life I always wanted. I'll be married to the greatest man in the world, I'll have a perfect little boy that looks like a clone of his father (And seriously, if there is a God listening, you better make that happen! Nothing against girls, but I want me another Chuck!), and I'll be eradicating the world of skanks at whatever pace I choose.

Damn, that thought makes me too happy for words.

Oh look, incoming e-mail. And it's from Chuck.

_Sarah,_

_I know the past few days have been hard on you._

Yeah, no kidding.

_They've been hard on me, too._

Oh, I could make them so much easier. Well, there WOULD be things that would still be hard, but, you know…

_I'm really proud of the progress you've made on your journey to being a better person._

Not proud enough to give me sex, apparently.

_Also, I just wanted to tell you that I've never been happier in my life than I am right now.  
The thought of having you as my wife, and of us having a child together…it's almost too much.  
I certainly don't deserve to have everything I have now, even if you'd argue differently._

Oh, I would SO argue differently. You deserve to have someone much better than me, Chuck. I just can't believe you settled for me, but it makes me the happiest woman alive every day.

_Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how much I love you.  
I know how you can get when we're not, you know, together,  
and I didn't want you to misconstrue that as me losing interest in you.  
You're the one I love, forever and always. Anyway, I love you  
very much, and I hope you have a fantastic day. I'll see you tonight_

_Love,_

_Chuck_

Damn him. How can I stay mad when he send me e-mails like that? And how am I supposed to write when my eyes are filled with tears? Stupid pregnancy! Anyway, I have to go. I have a lot to think about.

/End Day 4

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**Next Time: **Sarah has started to reflect on just how much she has, even when she's not having sex. How long will her period of enlightenment last?

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_A/N: So look at that! There's fluff in the Adorable Psycho universe! That's not something you see every day. You certainly don't see it from me, haha. And I hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to your (glowing) reviews, haha. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	6. Day 5

_A/N: Okay, you waited for it, and now it's here! Well, I'm sure some people waited for it, anyway, haha. The fifth (and final) day of Sarah's punishment. When last we left her, she was starting to realize something about herself, and about her relationship with Chuck. That's what this chapter covers. There is a lot of fluffiness early on, but there's still a lot of Adorable Psycho in there, and the end, though maybe a bit predictable, really wraps things up nicely, I think. A big thanks to __**MXPW**__ who, rightfully so, told me I needed to tone down a certain part of this chapter, and for generally being an awesome guy that helps me with a ton of things, and does a ton of stellar writing himself. Oh, and make SURE to read the note at the end of this chapter. Not to give anything away, but there's more to come. I hope you enjoy this, and I look forward to your reviews. Thanks!

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**Adorable Psycho's Over the Limit chapter 6: Day 5**

_**May 5th**_

The moment of realization. Some people describe it as "a light bulb coming on". Other people think of it more like a flash of lightening, I suppose, as they say an idea "strikes them". Or maybe they're comparing it to being shot or punched, I don't know. There are a lot of ways to be "struck".

Me, I'm not big on letting things hit me (other than certain parts of Chuck's anatomy, but that's neither here nor there), and I operate better in the dark. So to me, a moment of clarity has always been best related to shooting someone. I pull the trigger, there's a bright light, there's smoke, and then it clears and my target it dead.

When I have a moment of clarity, or an epiphany, it's just like that. A thought comes to mind (pulling the trigger), it illuminates something inside my brain (the flash), there's smoke (this is when I sort it out), and then I see a dead person (this is the moment when I have processed a new bit of information).

Anyway, I tell you all of that, to tell you this: I had an epiphany yesterday.

Chuck's e-mail – his very sweet, well timed e-mail – caused something inside of me to just…click, I guess. All this time, I've been so concerned with Chuck not bonking me, that I haven't taken time to realize just how great a guy I have. He's sweet, funny, cute, romantic, and he has a great ass. True, he's a fantastic lover, too, but I shouldn't let that define him.

In a way, despite my protests, I think this "cooling off period" may have been a good thing. It's made me realize just how lucky I am, sex aside, and how much I generally take that for granted.

So today, when I woke up, I set out to let Chuck know just how much I appreciate him as a person, not just as a living, breathing dildo.

It's Saturday, and he didn't have to work this morning, so I got up extra early while he still slept, and crept into the kitchen to make him breakfast, which I brought to him in bed. While he enjoyed his blueberry waffles (which I made from scratch) and his freshly squeezed orange juice, I popped _Tron_ into the Blu-Ray and snuggled up next to Chuck while he watched it.

True, that sci-fi stuff has never been my personal cup of tea (although I _have _developed a love of BSG that knows no bounds…why else would I own a _Frak Off _t-shirt?), but today wasn't about me, it was about Chuck. We can watch one of my favorites, like _10_ (_Bolero _really is the perfect music to fuck to) for instance, another time.

When the film concluded, I told Chuck to accompany me to the living room, where I had a massage table set up (What? We had it in Castle. It was just taking up space!). I told him to strip, and get on the table, and of course, he was hesitant. I had to promise not to try to take advantage of him. I assured him that I had no intention of trying to have sex with him against his will, though admittedly the thought did cross my mind. But no, today was bout him, and I was a good girl, for once.

I gave him a nice, two hour massage, because honestly, he needed and deserved it. While I was rubbing him down, I told him stories about my childhood. I can't for the life of me see why that would interest him so much, but he always likes it when I open up about my past, and I wanted today to be all about giving him what he wants, just as he always does for me. When it was done, I told him to go take a shower, and we'd head out when he was done.

Then I took him to a comic book store. He was confused at first, but I explained that I wanted to learn more about the things that interest him. All our time together, I've always been a bit self-concerned, and never really taken the time to try to share an interest with the man I love. That's a problem I'm now resolved to fix. I will know Chuck better, if it's the last thing I do. I will come to value all of him, and I mean every part of him not just the very, very impressive part of him that I've been so fond of connecting with since we started sleeping together. Even though that part is quite enjoyable, and having measured it myself… Well, it's impressive, as I said.

As we left the store, after Chuck gave me a three hour tutorial on the ins-and-outs of the comic book world (including introducing me to my new favorite fictional character, Jenny Sparks), he began to voice some suspicion at what I was up to with the wonderful day I'd given him.

I was relieved that, for once, I had nothing to hide. I explained to him that I wanted to show him how much I appreciate him. I told him that I realized that I'd been neglecting him, as a person, and that I wanted to correct my mistake.

He got this big, goofy grin on his face when I told him that, which made me feel warm all over (not just in my pants), and I couldn't help but smile back. He wrapped his arm around me and held me close as we continued to walk back to my car. God, I really love being close to Chuck. And I didn't even think about sex when he held me. Okay, I thought about it a little. I'm still a young woman, filled with…well, whatever the female equivalent of virility is, after all. But for once, I wasn't thinking with my figurative dick. I was thinking with my heart.

God, I'm turning into such a sap, aren't I? Know what, though? I don't really care. I don't care at all. It makes me happy that I'm becoming more in tune with my sensitive side. It makes me more real. It makes me a better fiancée, and it makes me a better mother-to-be. So piss off, those who would tell me I'm getting too soft. Like John Casey. Not that I think Casey will ever read this (in fact, he better damn not), but it feels good to kind of tell him how I feel, and that he can saw it off for thinking me weak for my feelings.

Anyway, to sum it up, I had a full day, during which, I learned a lot more about Chuck, and in turn, learned a lot about myself. I learned, for instance, that I don't need sex to be fulfilled. I just need to love, and to be loved. At the end of the day, that's all we can really hope for as humans, anyway.

And further…

Wait. Dammit! It's 12:01 AM. My punishment ended over a minute ago! I've wasted over 60 seconds of perfectly good plowing time. So, yeah, I got to run go wake Chuck up so he can sex me up. Later.

/End Day 5, and happy Seis de Mayo to me!

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**Next Time: **That's right…there will be a next time. This was originally supposed to be the last chapter of this fic, but thanks to a PM from the amazing **Malamoo**, I've been inspired to add one more chapter. What's in that chapter? Well, think of it more as a bonus chapter. Kind of like the special features on a DVD, or something. It will be a very special look at a fanfic written by our very own Adorable Psycho!

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_A/N: I hope you guys have enjoyed this journey to Sarah's enlightenment, and back. It's been a lot of fun to write, but I still have one more chapter of this fic, and the Adorable Psycho tale is far from over, I think, so there should be more of her in the future. I look forward to hearing what you think about this chapter. You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	7. Bonus Features

ClaireFanGirl007  
Author of 47 Stories

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Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Claire B. & Sam W. - Reviews: 6 - Published: 02-15-10 - Complete - id:5748989

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**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Sam**_**. Don't sue me. **

**A/N: As many of you know, I'm kind of a big Clam shipper, so needless to say, Sam vs. The Mask pissed me off. I mean, what the hell? Since when does Sam act like that? And could they please be a little consistent with Claire's character? I didn't even recognize that girl at the end! And don't even get me started on Shannon and Agent Haas. Ugh. I mean, I guess Kristin Kreuk is cute enough. God knows if I was still on the market, I wouldn't kick her out of bed. But Brandon Routh is absolutely made of wood. He makes Keanu Reaves look like Lawrence Olivier, for crying out loud. Anyway, this was my response to how **_**The Mask**_** should be resolved. Hope you enjoy it, and please review. **

**~*~**

**Removing the Mask**

When Claire felt the strong hands of her fellow agent grip her shoulders, she knew it was wrong. It was all wrong. That conversation with Sam in the Fortress hallway had been wrong, and now, being alone with Haas, and him touching her was wrong. Not to mention the live feed of the Best Buy, showing Sam with his tongue down Shannon's throat was wrong.

What brought this all on? When had things turned to shit?

"Stop touching me," Claire said in a low, dangerous tone.

Haas looked at her, confused. "What are you talking about?" he asked, not removing his hands from her shoulders.

Obviously, he wasn't getting the point, so Claire decided to make herself clear. She reached up with lightning fast reflexes, and grabbed the other agent's hand, twisting it hard, at an awkward angle. The delightful sound of bone snapping, and Haas crying out in surprise and pain was her reward.

"I said get your filthy hands off me," she repeated strongly.

"But – but, I thought…"

"You thought wrong, bitch!" Claire yelled. "My body belongs to Sam, and he's the only one that gets to touch me like that, understood?"

Haas didn't answer right off, causing Claire to further twist his already broken wrist. Tears were beginning to spring to his eyes. He was such a fucking baby. It _was_ nice to see that non-expressive stoic smirk of his disappear in favor showing actual human emotion, though. Pain is an emotion, right?

"I asked you a question, you piece of shit!" Claire boomed.

"Yeah, yeah, I got you," Haas said through clenched teeth. "Just please, let my hand go!"

Claire smiled in victory. "Good. Now if you don't mind, I have other business to take care of."

Haas was clearly only interested in his own pain as Claire turned to walk out of Fortress, but he did manage to ask her where she was going.

"I'm going to get rid of a slutty brunette midget," Claire said determinedly.

"Oh," was all Haas said, as he continued to rub his broken wrist. Claire didn't know why he was rubbing it. That wouldn't make the pain stop. He either needed to pop it back into place, or cut it off. Either one would be more effective than rubbing it. But it wasn't her problem. She had her own useless parts to get rid off, this one named Shannon.

**~*~**

Claire gracefully, but quickly made her way through the Best Buy, back to the home stereo room, where Sam and Shannon…well, she didn't want to think about what they were doing.

She kicked the door open, causing both occupants to jump in surprise and panic. One of them (the one without a Y chromosome) had reason to panic. Claire was a dangerous bitch, especially when someone else was infringing on her territory.

"Get your hands off of him, you two-bit whore!" Claire shrieked. "He's mine!"

"You dumped him!" Shannon yelled in reply.

"I did _not_ dump him! He dumped me! But that's not important. What's important is, I'm taking back what is rightfully mine. Namely, Sam," Claire said. She was not backing down. Not now.

"Oh yeah? How do you plan on doing that? I don't want to fight you, but I will if I have to," Shannon said.

"Oh, then bring it on, bitch!"

Sam interrupted the little spat. "Shannon, you really, really don't want to do that," he warned the brunette.

"Why not? She doesn't look that tough," Shannon said. And that was exactly what Claire wanted to hear. She didn't want the other woman afraid. Scared people tend to run, and it's hard to kill people when they're running. Still possible, but more effort than it's worth.

Then Shannon did something wholly unexpected. She slapped Claire. She slapped her right across the face. And that was a mistake the shorter woman didn't want to make.

Deftly pulling a Viper throwing knife from her ankle sheath, Claire, in one swift motion jammed the sharp object into Shannon's gut.

The look of shock and pain and panic registered on the face of Claire's adversary. Obviously she didn't see that coming. Obviously she didn't know who the hell she was dealing with.

"You…you stabbed me," Shannon said weakly, as blood poured from her wound.

Claire laughed. "Yeah, I did. Now I'm going to gut you like a trout," she said, pulling the blade upwards, until Shannon's insides began to protrude from the now gaping hole in her skin.

Claire then watched with pleasure as the life drained from the eyes of the skank that would have taken her man. Then finally, when Shannon had taken her last breath, the blonde wiped her blade and her hands on the shirt of the corpse.

"So that was fun," Claire said nonchalantly.

"You killed her!" Sam said, shocked.

"Yeah, I did," Claire answered with a shrug. "Now, you're free for the rest of the night. So am I. Let's go have sex, Sam."

**~*~**

**A/N: So what did you think? Was that a good way to resolve this whole stupid "love interests" thing, or what? Leave me a review and let me know. Oh, and be forewarned, I don't take kindly to flames, and I can find out where you live. That is all. Have a great day!

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_Review alert for "Removing the Mask" a Sam fic  
From LanaLangFTW_

Normally, I'm a pretty big fan of your work, CFG. You have a way with words that not many people here on this site can match. You seem to love writing smut (seriously, like the only writer here where every story ends in sex), you have an impressive way of describing violence (it's like you know what you're talking about, things can get so vivid sometimes), and you are one of the best and most consistent Clam shippers on FF (I can really tell that you just love Clam), but I have to admit this one-shot of yours left me really upset!

It had all of your usual stuff, but then you had to go and kill Shannon! Why!? I'll tell you why...it's because you're just jealous! What did Shannon ever do to Claire except be prettier and be a better match for Sam than Claire ever will? Shannon never did anything wrong! And she was cute as hell! But noooo, you couldn't stand to let somebody be better than your "precious" Claire, somebody smarter, and funnier (OMG, Claire is never funny, she's like a robot!), and cooler (she's not lame like Claire!), and...and...prettier! That can't be said enough, KK is so much hotter than the average YS. And she and ZL have so much better chemistry than he does with YS. I never really realized it until now, but when you think about it, Shannon is a much better match for Sam than Claire, and you ruined that! Why couldn't Shannon just be allowed to ride off into the sunset, huh!?

I mean, this story didn't even make sense! Yeah, Sam vs. The Mask was a crappy episode, but do you know why it was crappy? It was because of Claire! She's the one who deserved to die. The way she kept telling Agent Haas no, no, no, and then randomly turned around and told him yes, all because he saved her life?! OMG! How big of a stupid slut is she!? Does she have no self-respect? No standards? How can she be so inconsistent? I was really disappointed when I saw you did nothing in this story to explain that, you just wanted to pick on poor Shannon. Normally, you write Claire as really strong and independent, doesn't need to take any crap from anybody, and you don't do that here. Oh sure, you had her break Haas's wrist, but that was it!? After everything he did, acting like such a creeper, and you only break his *wrist*? How come Haas gets to live but Shannon had to die? I know, it's because you're sexist, that's why!

By the way, Shannon would have so kicked Claire's ass if she hadn't cheated (KK has months of martial arts training that she did for that cinematic masterpiece: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li). I don't know why you didn't show that.

This didn't even have your normal quality. Maybe I could have put up with it if it were better writing, but some of it was just...not very good. I wonder why that is? Oh I know, it's probably because you were too busy imagining all the different ways Agent Haas and Claire could have sex behind Sam's back! I can't think of any other reason you would have kept him alive but killed the adorable Shannon.

Okay, but I did really like this line: "I'm going to get rid of a slutty brunette midget," Claire said determinedly. It made me feel bad because I laughed so hard. Oh, and this line was pretty good too: "I said get your filthy hands off me," she repeated strongly. But I feel like you really missed out on an opportunity there to make a Planet of the Apes joke.

But you know what was maybe the worst part about this whole story? You said it was "M" but you never had any sex! I couldn't believe it, a CFG story that didn't have a smut scene? You could have least thrown us Shannon fans a frickin' bone here, but all you did was have a totally unnecessarily graphic gutting and that was it! Where was my smut, damn it!? And to have Claire and Sam talking about sex while standing over Shannon's still bleeding body was just wrong.

Oh, and I don't want to name names or make wild accusations, but I thought the end of this story was remarkably similar to the end of another story I read a while back in the Sam archives. I'm not saying you plagiarized or anything, I'm just saying...think about it.

So yeah, not my favorite story of yours, CFG, but I'm willing to give you another chance. You just need to get back in the groove, and maybe if you somehow brought Shannon back, that would be awesome. ;-)

_Review Reply from ClaireFanGirl007_

What the fuck, dude? You _always_ support me. And have you not been watching the show? I mean, I admitted that KK is very cute. Hell, I'd screw her ears off if I didn't have a boyfriend. But that said, you just DON'T talk about Claire like that! And lay off Yvonne. You really should respect the dead. I mean, it's totally possible that she deserved her fate, but that doesn't mean you should belittle her like that. She makes the goddamn show, alright? And all the fans are pissed off right now with what's happening, not just me! And…you know what, I don't even know what else to say to you. Thank you for reviewing, I guess =(

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_Review alert for "Removing the Mask" a Sam fic  
From Liam2_

Man, I don't know where to begin. Actually, I do know. This fic blew. Hard. The prose was weak and repetitive in its wording. The characters were so far out in left field. Seriously, do you really think people want to read about a Claire that kills people at the slightest whim and has no further goal in life than to "plow" Sam? Maybe if you took the time to understand the point of the Haas and Shannon characters is to make the inevitable union between Sam and Claire that much more profound, you would come up with a better plotline. That, and if you took the time to create more realistic endings (i.e., endings that DON'T involve Claire killing someone and begging to be plowed), your overall quality would improve. Of course, another suggestion would be to simply STOP WRITING.

_Review Reply from ClaireFanGirl007_

Why are you being so mean to me? I love your writing, Liam. I think you're one of the best in the fandom! I'm just trying to do something different. Something I thought people would like. How can you defend Haas and Shannon? I mean, yeah, KK is alright, I guess, but Brandon Routh is the void in which all good performances disappear. And you never give Wepdiggy shit for writing about a violent, sex obsessed Claire. You laud his work! I'm really sad right now =(

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_Review alert for "Removing the Mask" a Sam fic  
From Mikki13_

Wow. Okay, I don't want to be mean, but that really sucked. Have you even watched the show? Claire would never just up and kill those two. And besides that, she should consider herself lucky. Face it: she's kinda ugly. That blonde hair is totally fake, and her eyes are too close together. She's totally lucky to even get looked at by a guy as hot and amazing as Haas.

And Sam and Claire do not belong together. Come on, he can so do better than her. A spy who works in food service?! Please. She's not even a good spy. I'm so glad Sam's found Shannon. Now that's a cute couple.

Hon, you should seriously stop writing fanfiction. Really, you have, like, no talent. Don't feel bad; we're not all writers. But if I have to read another piece like this, I just may spork out my eyes. Or worse. Thanks for trying, though!

_Review Reply from ClaireFanGirl007_

Mikki? I thought we were friends. When we met at Samfest, you agreed with everything I said about the show. Remember when we hung around the bar, and we met Schwartz and Fedak? And I told them if they kept fucking with Clam that I would kill them in their sleep? And you laughed! I mean, I was dead serious, but I was happy that I could make you laugh, because I thought we really hit it off.

You still have a picture of me, you and Yvonne (RIP) on your Facebook, for crying out loud! And you're the biggest Clam shipper of them all…well, besides maybe ndnickerson/Ulstergirl. Why…I don't know why you're saying these things. Claire would totally kill for Sam. She loves him, and that's what you do for people you love! I really wish you hadn't left me that review =(

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_Review alert for "Removing the Mask" a Sam fic  
From Wepdiggy_

Come on CFG, what the hell? I mean, as you know, I'm not adverse to a slightly OOC Claire, or even a violent, sex obsessed Claire, for that matter. I've made a lot of fans writing just that, as a matter of fact. But honestly, this just wasn't good.

Why did Claire have a sudden change of heart? I mean, you complain that her character isn't consistent in your A/N, then you go onto make her even less consistent.

Further, your ending was just pretty much the same ending to my original one-shot in the Adorable Psycho series. And clearly I don't mind lending that version of the character out. Heck, four other authors have written a story with her (and there's another on the way), but if you're going to lift my work, you could at least give me a mention.

So in summary, I thought your latest fic was blatant plagiarism, done very poorly. Maybe it's time to give up the writing?

_Review Reply from ClaireFanGirl007_

Wep? Seriously? You're the KING of writing OOC Claire and all, but I didn't plagiarize you at all, you piece of shit! I can't give you any details, but my story was based on a true story of someone I know! So you know what I want from you? You better give me a public apology. I'll expect it on the TWoP Kicked Us Out… forum very soon. Oh, and a chapter of Sam the College Years, too. I'll be very disappointed if you don't give me what I want, and trust me, you don't want me to be disappointed.

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_Review alert for "Removing the Mask" a Sam fic  
From gleeFoEva_

OMG hw cn u rite sumtin lik this?!?! ur soooo stupid, its obvious that claire/haas r lik, teh BEST PAIRING EVAR!!!!!11 jus bcuz u think claire shuld b wit sam (that was lik sooooo ovr las season, btw) doesnt mn u cn jus kill off whoevr stands in there way!!! i mean srsly, BR is sooo HOTT, ur jus hatin bcuz he n YS obviously hav a CONNECTION (claires such a b&%$^ to sam neway, he doesnt deserv a slut lik her!!!) n how cn u do that to shannon?!?!? wat did she evr do 2 u, huh?!?! KK is so sweet (in fact even if u were stil on the market she wuldnt want to b wit u neway...shes not a lezbo lik u!) n she n sam belong togethr!!!

btw this was mai fav ep of the series n u jus ruined a gud ep wit ur stupid story...u cn jus cry urself 2 sleep n die bcuz the riters dont lisn 2 crzy clam shippers lik u neway!!! lololol u dont no where i live so SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!1

_Review Reply from ClaireFanGirl007_

First of all, holy shit, learn to write! Secondly, you couldn't be more wrong! You could try, but you would fail. Clam is the only part of the show that is worth watching. God, how I love Clam. But anyway, I don't appreciate your personal attacks, you shit head. And also, in case you haven't heard, Kristin Kreuk will be GONE after the next episode, so who would Sam be with then, huh? Do you think he deserves to be alone? Same reminds me a lot of my own boyfriend. Like, a LOT. So are you saying that MY Chuck deserves to be alone, too? Because I've killed people for less.

Okay, I'm actually crying now because of all the mean reviews I've gotten. Is that what you wanted? Did you want me to cry, because you got it, you bitch! As for where you live, well, Ms. Tiffany Monroe, of Florence Moore East (seriously? They let you into Stanford with…whatever the hell that was? Because I've never been happier that I went to school back east than I am right this second), I know where you live. I've seen where you sleep, and when I make a journey to the northern part of our state, you've made my list, whore! When I find you, I'm going to cut out your heart, and make you eat it…then before you die, I'm going to make you shit out your heart, then eat the shit that is made up of your heart, that I already made you eat. Then after I do that, all the other flaming mother fuckers on this site are next!

Love,  
Sarah

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_Review alert for "Removing the Mask" a Sam fic  
From CFGfanboy1980_

Hey, CFG. Listen, don't let all these naysayers get you down. I think your writing was great, just as it always is. I look forward to everyone of your updates, and this was no exception. Was it a little more violent than your usual efforts? Sure, but it's nice to see you branch out. And further, this is just fan fiction, and it's the perfect place to explore new and interesting ideas like this one.

You seem to me to be a smart, very funny lady, and I'm sure whoever your boyfriend/husband/significant other is, that he knows he's a lucky guy to have someone like you. Thank you so much for sharing something unique with us, the readers!

_Review Reply from ClaireFanGirl007_

Wow. Okay, I was getting a little down after some of the reviews I'd gotten, I'll admit. But this one totally brightened my day. You sir, are a godsend, and you made me very, very happy. LOL, I have the biggest smile on my face right now. I don't even know what else to say. Just…thank you, so, so much for the kind words, I'm glad you liked the story, and thanks for the review! =D

* * *

**Epilogue**

_During, what Chuck thought, was a routine trip to Northern California, Sarah snuck out of their hotel room and paid a visit to __**Mikki13**__. To Sarah's delight, __**Mikki13**__ was having a get-together for many "Sam" fan fiction authors. __**gleeFoEva **__was there, as were __**Wepdiggy **__(surprising he'd made the trek all the way from South Carolina, but a relief, as it saved Sarah one very long trip), and __**LanaLangFTW**__. "Sam The College Years", "Sam vs. The Double Agent", "A Collection of Dates", and "Sam vs. The Closet Gleek" were never updated again. While __**LanaLangFTW**__ was let off relatively easy, being killed quickly with a shot between the eyes, the other three suffered much worse fates. They're still finding parts of __**Wepdiggy**__ scattered all over the Bay Area. _

_As for __**Liam2**__, his death was neither neat, nor clean. Getting close to him wasn't easy for Sarah, as the sonofabitch lived halfway across the country in frakkin' Missouri. Luckily, once she was able to make it out, getting his attention hadn't been hard. Turns out he was a sucker for a pretty lady like Sarah, and getting him back to his place where she could torture and kill him in private had been incredibly easy. She was sad, of course, that "Road to Innocence" would never again be updated, nor would "Claire the Vampire Slayer", but it was worth it to watch the life drain from his mean, stupid eyes. _

_As for __**CFGfanboy1980**__, well, when Sarah was tracking down all of her flamers, just out of curiosity, she decided to find out who her biggest supporter was, as well. When the results of her search came back, she was both shocked, and happy. Or something greater than happy, whatever that is. _

_**CFGfanboy1980**__ turned out to be none other than one Charles I. Bartowski. Once she discovered that her husband-to-be was her biggest supporter, Sarah immediately pulled him into their bedroom to thank him properly for always being there for her.

* * *

_

**Cast of characters:**

**Liam2 as himself  
Mikki13 as herself  
crystal elements as gleeFoEva  
and  
MXPW as LanaLangFTW**

Also a special thanks to** Malamoo **for giving me the idea for Sarah's fic.

* * *

_A/N: Okay, as I said before, this was more like a bonus chapter than anything to further the story. I hope you enjoyed the unique style with which this was written. Oh! And for anyone interested, on top of giving ME a review, or instead of, feel free to review Sarah's fic. For everyone that reviews Sarah's fic as if it were the actual story, you'll receive a personalized reply from the Adorable Psycho herself! Anyway, thanks for reading, and I can't wait to see what you thought. You guys are awesome. Peace._


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